How it Began (again)

It was the start of 2020. I was freshly divorced, had just celebrated my 33rd birthday, and COVID was all the rage. My short-lived marriage, just 3.5 years, left me feeling broken. It was as if my sense of self had been stripped away and I had to re-learn who I truly was. My values remained, but I felt lost. Though I was greatly relieved to be free, I felt depression creeping in as I tried to find joy.

Out of my Mind Design's First Instagram Photo: A tired healthcare worker sporting a comfortable facemask made by a wonderful volunteer.

I am so fortunate to have an incredible support system. At the time, I had one dear friend mention that they had not seen anything "artsy" from me in a long time. I was silent. I hadn't noticed that I stopped being creative. I've never considered myself an artist, but I have always had my hands on something "artsy." I used to host craft nights and painting parties. Roughly a year before I met my husband, I even started a little venture called "Glitzy Dino." I had an Etsy shop and went to craft shows. At first a few orders came in from locals, then it was across the US, and within a year I even had sales in the Netherlands and Australia. It was so much fun creating things that I loved and even more rewarding to know that there were folks worldwide who saw value and beauty in something I made.

Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have forgotten this core part of me. This one thing that brought me so much joy. At the end of our conversation that evening, my friend gently suggested that I pull out some paint and put brush to canvas. It was an easy enough place to start, but I reminded them that I'm not an artist. "Humor me," was my challenge. So... I did.

From the first few paintings (below) I made at that time, perhaps you can understand why I say that I'm not an artist. Still, throughout the process, I began to find just a little more of myself. Each messy stroke was one in healing.

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Another Bump in the Road

In January of 2021, I moved to Minnesota. Life was moving in a positive direction and I was feeling more and more "me" every single day. I was feeling healthy physically and mentally. I started a new job. I continued painting. I even managed to push myself to set up a booth at a craft show. I was no longer making dinosaur-themed home decor and jewelry, though, so I called myself "Button-up Designs." I came up with a quirky (ok, cringe) tag line: "designs to button up your space, no matter your taste." Creating was fun again, but my interest in it started to taper off as the year progressed. Mid-summer, I started noticing that I was taking a lot of naps. I was tired, no matter how much I slept. Eventually it progressed to the point that I was having to pull over to close my eyes for a while on my 45 min commute home. This was when I knew something was wrong. I made an appointment and when everything checked out "fine," the doctor said the only thing he could do was prescribe a stimulant like Adderall. No further testing, no referrals. I have nothing against the treatment suggested, but he didn't make any effort to go further than running a few labs. I went to my psychologist and spoke with him about the issue. Mostly, I wanted to ask his opinion on starting a stimulant when I already suffer from anxiety. What came from that appointment was, ultimately, life-changing. After hearing (and actually listening to) what I had do say, he referred me to Sleep Medicine. He said, due to my overall health and presentation, the likelihood of it being a sleep disorder was slim, but he wanted to exhaust all possibilities. I met with a neurologist in December of that year, and by February I had a clear (and not so clear) diagnosis of Idiopathic Hypersomnia. The road to normalcy took a nose-dive before showing any promise. There is far too much to go into, but in the end, it took 2 full years for me to get back to a point that I had enough energy and brain power to do anything more than get through work and keep up with basic daily tasks.

Things Do Get Better

2024 was the year of "ok.. I guess I'll try." I had to learn to give myself a lot of grace, because it sometimes felt like I was starting at square one. I put myself back out there. I was painting again. I gave in to the belief that I could possibly be an artist. I gave up on the idea that I had to have a signature style. I let myself create whatever came to mind. I experimented with texture. In 2025, the same friend who gently nudged me back in to art came to me with a project. It was something that I never in my life would have considered taking on before the challenges presented to me from 2020 onward. He wanted to strip down a bass guitar to make it fretless and we wanted it to have a custom paint job. He stripped it down, prepped the surface, and handed it over to me.

2026 is the year of finishing projects. That is the intention I have set for myself, anyway. You'll have to check out my portfolio for the finished project, but here is a glimpse of the process and progress: